A Twilight Critique

My friend Joel sent me an e-mail with this sarcastic critique of Twilight – the latest craze amongst many young people. (Both movie and books)

Joel, like me just isn’t into teen vampires. Nothing against you Twilight fans – it’s just not our ‘thang’.

So, I post his provocative summary of Twilight:

(Caution: Spoiler Alerts)

– Brad

For those of you who knew the movie Twilight wouldn’t be worth the $9.50 to see it in the theater, don’t waste two hours of your life watching the DVD! Here is the summary (my version of course), so you don’t need to bother with it!

Vampire guy – “Oh, I’m soooo in love with you that I want to suck all your blood out and kill you. Let’s go stare at each other.”

Girl – “Wow, It’s not at all creepy that you watch me while I’m sleeping. Let’s go stare at each other.”

Vampire guy – “It’s not private enough in the deep center of the forest of the Pacific Northwest. I want to take you up higher into the trees so we can stare at each other.”

Girl – “Oh your skin is all sparkly like a mermaid which is not at all girly. Lets go stare at each other.”

Vampire guy – “A horrible vampire inexplicably more evil than I (somehow I’m not evil) wants to suck all your blood out and kill you! Don’t worry, I will get my dad to kill him. Let’s go stare at each other.”

Girl – “I’m laying in the hospital dying cuz you almost sucked out all my blood. Lets stare at each other.”

Vampire guy – “Let’s go to prom so we can not dance and stare at each other.”

Girl – “I will hurt and lie to my whole family so that we can go stare at each other. Please make me a blood sucking vampire just like you.”

Vampire guy – “We will save that for part 2. Lets just stare at each other now.”

This was all of the dialogue from Twilight. The rest of the movie was spent staring at the two lovers staring at each other.

– Joel P in Florida.

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