Butt Paste

A couple years ago Perry Noble, pastor of NewSpring Church in South Carolina, was describing life after his daughter was born. In one post he described his discovery of Butt Paste, a diaper rash ointment. I was looking at a tube of Butt Paste that I had been given for Rylee, and thought I would track down the post Perry wrote describing the best uses for Butt Paste in Churches.

Here are some of my favorites:

  • For the guy that always complains that the music is too loud…hand him a tube of buttPaste–he will calm down and begin to enjoy the sound.
  • For the person who gets mad because you did not shake their hand–just give them a tube of buttpaste. That way they know you care.
  • For the person who claims that you must teach reformed doctrine–explain to them as you are giving them their buttpaste that they were predestined to receive it; after all, not all people can receive buttpaste.
  • For the free will person–explain to them the reason they have never received buttpaste is simply because they never have asked for it. BUT…warn them that, if they are not careful they could lose their buttpaste!
  • For the person who wants you to preach from the KJV–harken them to goeth forth to receiveth the buttpaste in a manner that will calmeth them down.

For the complete list see his post HERE.

I thought of some uses myself…

  • For the person who has so little to do that they have time to be “concerned” about everything others are doing – some Butt Paste could help relax their pain in the butt issues.
  • For the people who are upset they didn’t have input on which brand of plastic dinnerware used at the church picnic – some Butt Paste will soothe the pain.

Any creative uses for Butt Paste out there?

Oh, by the way – the nursery 🙂

– Brad

2 thoughts on “Butt Paste

  1. Oh my word… this is the most amazing stuff EVER!!!!!!!! it’s great for as a chap stick… yes I have put butt paste on my lips!!!!!!!

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