Category Archives: Just for Fun
A Twilight Critique
My friend Joel sent me an e-mail with this sarcastic critique of Twilight – the latest craze amongst many young people. (Both movie and books)
Joel, like me just isn’t into teen vampires. Nothing against you Twilight fans – it’s just not our ‘thang’.
So, I post his provocative summary of Twilight:
(Caution: Spoiler Alerts)
- Brad
For those of you who knew the movie Twilight wouldn’t be worth the $9.50 to see it in the theater, don’t waste two hours of your life watching the DVD! Here is the summary (my version of course), so you don’t need to bother with it!
Vampire guy – “Oh, I’m soooo in love with you that I want to suck all your blood out and kill you. Let’s go stare at each other.”
Girl – “Wow, It’s not at all creepy that you watch me while I’m sleeping. Let’s go stare at each other.”
Vampire guy – “It’s not private enough in the deep center of the forest of the Pacific Northwest. I want to take you up higher into the trees so we can stare at each other.”
Girl – “Oh your skin is all sparkly like a mermaid which is not at all girly. Lets go stare at each other.”
Vampire guy – “A horrible vampire inexplicably more evil than I (somehow I’m not evil) wants to suck all your blood out and kill you! Don’t worry, I will get my dad to kill him. Let’s go stare at each other.”
Girl – “I’m laying in the hospital dying cuz you almost sucked out all my blood. Lets stare at each other.”
Vampire guy – “Let’s go to prom so we can not dance and stare at each other.”
Girl – “I will hurt and lie to my whole family so that we can go stare at each other. Please make me a blood sucking vampire just like you.”
Vampire guy – “We will save that for part 2. Lets just stare at each other now.”
This was all of the dialogue from Twilight. The rest of the movie was spent staring at the two lovers staring at each other.
- Joel P in Florida.
Butt Paste
A couple years ago Perry Noble, pastor of NewSpring Church in South Carolina, was describing life after his daughter was born. In one post he described his discovery of Butt Paste, a diaper rash ointment. I was looking at a tube of Butt Paste that I had been given for Rylee, and thought I would track down the post Perry wrote describing the best uses for Butt Paste in Churches.
Here are some of my favorites:
- For the guy that always complains that the music is too loud…hand him a tube of buttPaste–he will calm down and begin to enjoy the sound.
- For the person who gets mad because you did not shake their hand–just give them a tube of buttpaste. That way they know you care.
- For the person who claims that you must teach reformed doctrine–explain to them as you are giving them their buttpaste that they were predestined to receive it; after all, not all people can receive buttpaste.
- For the free will person–explain to them the reason they have never received buttpaste is simply because they never have asked for it. BUT…warn them that, if they are not careful they could lose their buttpaste!
- For the person who wants you to preach from the KJV–harken them to goeth forth to receiveth the buttpaste in a manner that will calmeth them down.
For the complete list see his post HERE.
I thought of some uses myself…
- For the person who has so little to do that they have time to be “concerned” about everything others are doing – some Butt Paste could help relax their pain in the butt issues.
- For the people who are upset they didn’t have input on which brand of plastic dinnerware used at the church picnic – some Butt Paste will soothe the pain.
Any creative uses for Butt Paste out there?
Oh, by the way – the nursery 
- Brad
I Don’t Drink Beer by Tim Hawkins
Todd Rhodes over at MMI posted this for Funny Friday. All you Baptists out there should enjoy this. It is awesome!
- Brad
