“I wish I had learned that 20 years ago”
Sunday after the service a lady told me that she wished she would have heard the “Baggage Check” message 20 years ago. She said it would have saved her a lot of pain and made a big difference in her life. I appreciated hearing that, and it got me to thinking: What do I wish I had learned earlier in life that could have saved me a lot of regrets, pain, or frustration? I’ll offer up a few, and encourage you to leave some of your insights here as well.
I wish I had learned that relationship building was more important than good ideas and planning programs. In other words I wish I had spent more time building people, instead of programs when I first got into ministry.
I wish I listened more and talked less when I was younger…and now.
I wish I had done more to fix broken relationships.
I wish I had heard of Dave Ramsey at 18, not 26.
There are many more principles and lessons I wish I would have learned earlier, but I didn’t. What’s important now is that I learn from past mistakes, and use that knowledge to make wiser choices in the future. The past is in the past. We can leave the negative behind thanks to the grace of God. We can also be wiser about the future.
What lesson do you wish you had learned 20 years ago? Leave us a comment below.
when you pastor a nightclub
OK, I don’t actually pastor a nightclub, but sometimes it feels that way. Maybe I should explain…
Discovery Church is just 10 months old. We’re a baby church. I’m new to the role of Lead Pastor. I’ve learned more about leadership this year than any of my previous 30. It’s been a wonderful, rewarding year. With that said, let me be honest about one of the weirdest aspects of planting a church like Discovery: Atheists and Agnostics like me/us much more than many of my conservative Christian fundamentalist brothers and sisters.
That seems like an outlandish hyperbole, right? In the last year we have seen faithful attendance from various Agnostics. I’ve had dinner and coffee with them. Atheists have written me to say they appreciate what our church does for the community. One Agnostic friend from another state wrote me this year and said he would regularly attend on Sundays to hear my sermons. He doesn’t buy what I say about Jesus, but he likes the message and practical application enough. Of course I’m sure not every Atheist/Agnostic feels this way, but that is the interaction I’ve had with them over the last year.
On the other hand my more conservative, “fundamental” Christian friends have had the exact opposite reaction. As a matter of fact, it would seem I pastor a nightclub. “Brad, I’d love to visit Discovery, but I’m not allowed too.” I’ve pretty much lost count how many times I’ve heard that one. One high school student had to beg their Christian parents to see their friend get baptized at Discovery. Just this past Sunday a young woman in tears said to me she loves coming to our church, but that it caused her a great deal of conflict with her Christian family and she is torn with whether she should continue to come. Her family is convinced she’s being taught a false gospel because I don’t preach from the King James Version. I’ll leave some of the other backlash out. It’s important to note here that not all of my fundamentalist friends have responded this way – some have been very encouraging and gracious, and not mean spirited.
So why have some acted as if Discovery Church and other churches similar to it are like nightclubs or other worldly places ‘good Christians’ avoid?
I would totally understand it if we soft sold the Gospel, weakened who Jesus was, viewed the Bible as just a nice piece of ancient literature, or embraced sinful lifestyles. But we don’t do any of those things. Watch our Beautiful Collision, or Captured by Grace sermon series and if you come away with those conclusions then you might fit in well at a Westboro Baptist Church protest.
So what is the issue? The issue is almost always in the HOW.
Not what I preach, but HOW (usually in jeans)
Not if we sing hymns, but HOW (with electric guitar and drums)
Not if we love and believe the Bible, but HOW (we don’t exclusively use the King James Version)
Not if we have church, but HOW (We meet on Sunday mornings, but not evenings. We meet for small groups in homes, not in classrooms for Sunday School)
HOW we do WHAT we do always creates the tension with some in the christian community. We’re OK with that because of WHO we do it for. We do it for those lost and in need of salvation from their sins. And we do it for those burnt by previous experiences with the church. If that brings criticism, that’s OK, I don’t lose sleep over it. I do hurt for those Christians who get caught in the crossfire.
So let me offer these pointed thoughts. You’re a fool if you are critical of other churches and pastors for doing church ministry differently than you would prefer it be done. If you criticize a church for using ‘contemporary’ Christian music (I hate those terms) instead of hymns, you are a fool. If you criticize churches for using the organ and singing hymns instead of being cool and hip like your church, you are a fool. If you use your church sign to let everyone know you use the KJV and still have night church unlike those weak watered down churches, you are a fool. If you scoff at pastors who still wear suits and not True Religion jeans, you are a fool. And there is a lot of foolishness out there.
The HOW is important because we should try to be as effective as we can in reaching people, making disciples, meeting the needs of the poor, sending missionaries to the nations etc. Discussion about discernment in the methods we use is absolutely helpful and necessary, but pot shots and back biting have no place in the kingdom. The HOW should never be the focus. The focus should be the WHAT. The WHAT is the GOSPEL. It’s the Gospel of Jesus Christ that matters.
Just to be clear it is the Gospel that is critical, not my jeans or your suit.
- Brad
Daddy, hold my hand.
Recently I’ve been in a situation where I have to make some really big, really important decisions. The toughest decisions aren’t usually between good and bad things. The tough decisions are when you have to choose between two good things, or even more daunting – two great things.
I felt lead to do three things in this process. 1) Pray. 2) Read the books of Proverbs. 3) Journal those prayers and insights from Proverbs. I’ve been stuck in Proverbs chapter 3, meditating and praying through three relatively familiar verses, verses 5-7.
“5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 7 Be not wise in your own eyes…”
This morning I was focusing on verse 6. I was writing in my journal that I need not be preoccupied with what I think, what others think, but to be tuned into what God thinks. Not what God thinks of me, but what the heart of God is concerning the tough decisions I’m wrestling with. I was making a note on how if I made God’s heart in this decision my focus, then I would be guided on the right path.
At that moment Rylee, my 2 year old daughter, walked up next to me and said, “Daddy, hold my hand.” She was putting on shoes that were too big for her to wear and needed stability so that she wouldn’t fall. Without hesitation she sat the shoes next to me and asked me to hold her hand. I held her hand, and she slipped on the high heeled shoes that were too big for her to wear without a problem. She had no stress, no worries. Why? Because she knew that all she had to do was ask daddy to hold her hand.
My 2 year old realizes a simple profound truth that this 30 year-old forgets so often. When you have a problem, when you have something in front of you that is way too big for you to deal with on your own – ask Daddy to hold your hand. After all, daddy is never too busy to hold his daughter’s hand when she asks.
Do you have something in front of you that is overwhelming? A big decision? A difficult circumstance you need help getting through? Ask your heavenly Father to hold your hand – He’s never too busy for His children.
- Brad
Modern Family Conference
Life isn’t as simple or ‘normal’ as it once was. Parenting is a challenge! We have designed this event with the modern family in mind. This event is for single moms, married parents, blended (step) parents, single dads – whateveryour situation we want to help minister and equip you with the ultimate challenge in life – Parenting!
We are excited to announce the line up for this family ministry event:
Dr. James H. Wigton - Pastor and Family Conference Speaker
Victor Lee - Family Counselor
Kim Jaggers - Speaker and Writer with ministry to single moms
Our guests have broad and extensive experience in equipping Dads and Moms to fulfill their most important calling.
This is a free event, but registration is necessary so we can prepare for the afternoon lunch and have enough conference materials. For more information checkout the website: Modern Family Parenting Conference
August 13th, 10:30am-3:00pm
Hosted at NorthStar Church
10919 Carmichael Rd. Knoxville, TN 37932
Lunch and Materials are provided
8 ways a man can love his wife
The following is an excerpt from last Sunday’s sermon notes. The list originated from a message by Mark Driscoll entitled “Men and Marriage”.
The Scripture teaches that a husband is to love his wife. The word “love” used in Colossians 3:19 and Ephesians 5:25 refers to an active love – a love that is demonstrated with action. The greatest way a husband can demonstrate love to his wife is by honoring her. Here are 8 ways a man can love/honor his wife:
- Honor her maritally. Take a wife honorably. Establish right priorities, and be a one woman man–absolutely faithful to your wife.
- Honor her physically. Be strong for your wife, not against her. Be protective of her and present with her.
- Honor her emotionally. Be emotionally present and intimate.
- Honor her verbally. Speak honorably to her. Speak honorably of her, when she is present and absent.
- Honor her financially. Provide for the financial needs of your family, organize your budget, and be generous towards your wife.
- Honor her practically. Consider her needs and how you can serve.
- Honor her parentally. Be “Pastor Dad” by shepherding your children (praying with them, teaching them about Jesus).
- Honor her spiritually. You initiate and lead prayer, Bible, chats, church attendance, etc. Take responsibility for your church.
The Essence of a Man
This past weekend at Discovery Church featured some straight talk for men and fathers. The statistical and anecdotal evidence for the need for real men and real fathers in our society is is overwhelming. But what makes a good man and a good father? What does authentic, Biblical masculinity look and feel like. We take a hard look at what a real man isn’t and what a real man is.
The Church and Sexual Assault
The interview linked below is with Justin Holcomb, a pastor at Mars Hill Church in Seattle, WA. Justin and his wife Lindsey have co-authored the book Rid of My Disgrace. 1 in 5 people have been or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime.
This statistics may seem exaggerated, but 10 years of ministry experience has confirmed the reality of this darkness. I am so grateful for this resource because of how it will help those who are victims, but also pastors, family, and friends of those who are. There are hurting people all around us who feel shame and disgrace because they were violated and abused by someone. It’s important that we know how to communicate to them how much they are loved and valued by God and how the Grace of God can rid them of their disgrace.
Justin has been a valuable counselor to me personally as I have encountered people who need healing as a result of sexual assault. Check out the interview and pick up a copy of the book.
If you’re a victim of sexual assault – we want to help you. You are loved and valuable! I can be contacted confidentially by email HERE.
- Brad
